Photo of the Week #1 - Wog Ball

Wog Ball

Wog Ball

Defined by the scholarly authority that is urbandictionary.com as:

(Proper Noun)

Regional Australian slang for soccer. Used in a sentence, spelling bee style: Yanks are no good at wogball.

Douchebag

So, etymologically speaking, how does this work? Pretty easy really. Even a spastic seppo guido like Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino could work it out. He'd actually have a natural advantage given he is a wog.

Wog

So. Wog. When I was first exposed to the word I was but a gleam in my father's eye, yet, despite only existing in sperm form and consisting of half the number of chromosomes required to be a human being, I pondered this term and it's potential origins.

A few theories abound as to the origins of the term wog. Some scholars maintain the word "wog" derives from the Golliwogg, a blackface minstrel doll character from a children's book published in 1895. I, however, believe that term has its roots in the well known biscuit making dynastic family, the Arnotts, and their love of rap music.

Exhibit 1

Exhibit 1: Racist Biscuits

A biscuit. A chocolate(face) flavoured biscuit nonetheless. The name of this biscuit? Golliwog. The shape of the biscuit? That of a stylised black man of African origin with afro hair style. These biscuits were particularly popular in the Southern United States of America (pre-civil war) and later in South Central LA.   

Exhibit 2



Exhibit 2: Politically Correct Biscuits

Now the reason why there is so much conjecture around the origins of the term wog can be firmly traced to name change of the Golliwog biscuit to the Scalliwag. Note that the biscuit itself actually remained the same! Clearly this was a response to a bunch of politically correct wankers with nothing better to do than hassle children who enjoy chocolate biscuits. Having a Golliwog biscuit was a treat when I was a kid. Arnott's line of White-Anglo-Saxon-Protestant (WASPs) biscuits were nowhere near as popular. Now the word will no longer be associated with a cherished childhood memory but lost to the anals of time and memories of those who grew up in gentler times. Reminisce over. Let's move on.

Exhibit 3

Exhibit 3: Racist  Biscuit Factory founded in 1865

The Arnott biscuit factory was established in 1865 - a full 30 years prior to the publication of the children's book with the blackface minstrel character referred to above. (for reference Arnotts began operations in 1865 in Newcastle, New South Wales, Australia - 2 hours North of Sydney)

Xzibit 4 & 5

Xzibit 4: Black Rapper with 'ttude



Xzibit 5: Black Rapper with Afro



Xzibits 4 and 5 wrap up the story. Black rappers with fros and cool names. Undoubtedly awesome. Pop culture icons. You will note they bare uncanny resemblance to the Arnott's biscuit in question.

I put it to you, therefore, that the Golliwog biscuit was in fact a TRIBUTE to rap music.

Prosecution's Closing Argument

I think we've established here today that the genealogy of the term 'wog' can be firmly traced to a rap loving bogan family from the Newcastle area of Australia, mistakenly accused of being racists, who happen to make good biscuits. In summary:

• The Arnott family produced a popular line of biscuits under the name of "Golliwog"
• These biscuits were chocolate in flavour and colour whilst bearing the stylised resemblance of a black man with an afro
• These biscuits were much loved and a popular line of product for many years until the PC movement got to them
• Rappers are often black and have been known to sport afro hair dos
• Rappers are very popular
• The Arnott biscuit factory was founded 30 years prior to the publication of Florence Kate Upton's children's book book entitled The Adventures of Two Dutch Dolls and a Golliwogg which contained the first description and illustration of a Golliwog

With Arnott's predating the publication of Uptons book, and given the undisputed popularity of rappers, we can only conclude that the term Golliwog (and it's later abbreviation to wog) can trace it's origins to the Arnott family, who can only be assumed to have loved rap music given they produced a line of biscuits which are clearly a tribute to rappers.

The above facts constitute an indisputable body of evidence to support the case that the term wog has it's origins in rap music, biscuits and the city of Newcastle in Australia.

Ball

If you need me to define the term "Ball" for you then please never come back to this blog again.

The End

That is the debut of the Photo of the Week blog segment. I wouldn't be surprised to find this content published alongside Time Magazine's "Person of the Year" award before too long. Call me arrogant if you will. But be forewarned, for if you do term me as such I shall retaliate with one of two juvenile responses, being either:

1. I know you are, I said you are, but what am I?
2. Straight up insult you and call you a douchebag.

On that note I am off to enjoy a Tim Tam biscuit with my wog mate Pauly D.

DTF in SYD.

Love

Mick