Thou shalt drink beer - La Trappe Dubbel

Beer is holy. Don't believe me? Then see below and prepare yourself to be astounded, impressed and just a little bit jealous as I wax lyrical in my latest beer review. The tipple of choice this time is called La Trappe Dubbel.



La Trappe Dubbel - if this was on offer instead of Communion wine I'd consider becoming religious

Nothing this good can be legal. Maybe that's why La Trappe Dubbel is brewed in Holland. Home of tall people, dykes (the water retaining kind, although I'm sure there are a few carpet fans in Holland too), dairy products and lax drug laws.

La Trappe Dubbel, as the name suggests, at least to those who speak French or whom are just great at trivial pursuit, is a Trappist "double" beer. Still don't know what that means? What the hell is Trappist? What is a "double" beer? Read on and I shall educate.

Let's start with Trappist. Trappist refers to the Trappist Order of Cistercian Monks. Yes. Monks. You know, those professional prayers. Fact: a key part of a monk's job is saying prayers for other people. Too busy searching for the Holy Grail or simply tied up raping and pillaging? No worries. Just pop into your local monastery and ask a monk to pray on your behalf. You'll probably even get a mug of beer for your troubles! Monks were actually one of the first known examples of outsourcing. In fact, some of the more technologically advanced abbeys have set up prayer centres in India. Cost per prayer is almost unbeatable. Famous monks include that psychotic bloke in The Da Vinci Code who is trying to kill Tom Hanks all the time, Baldrick during the first series of Rowan Atkinson's (aka Mr Bean) comedy Blackadder, and people who are good at Kung Fu.

So this beer is made by monks. While this may at first seem a little strange, monks have been known to get up to some pretty crazy stuff. Like Italian monk Brother Cesare aka "Brother Metal" and his heavy metal antics.

Brother Cesare Bonizzi - says his prayers at Level 11 

Alongside heavy metal the monks of Western Europe are also (in)famous for brewing some of the greatest beers of all time. This shouldn't come as a surprise given monks can also be credited with inventing what we know as modern day beer. I've touched on this bit of history in previous blogs so I won't dwell overly long. Here is the point form version:

• Monks often observe periods of fast (i.e. they starve themselves)
• Monks are a traditionally smart bunch of guys with a lot of time on their hands
• To get around the rules they decided to try and put food in water. Tricky.
• Grains + water + time = beer!

Some scholars maintain that God had a hand in the creation of beer. Ancient texts record the first beer recipes as written down by Brother Fosters. In these texts Brother Fosters claims to have had a vision of a bearded carpenter turning water into a wondrous amber liquid. Filled with religious fervor Brother Fosters set about recreating his vision. Fast forward 500 years and you've got La Trappe Dubbel. Here endeth the lesson.

So we've got monks brewing beer whilst listening to heavy metal. What about this "Dubbel" business? Unfortunately this story is not nearly as interesting as our monks. Dubbel is just a naming convention taken on by traditional abbey brewed beers. It generally refers to the strength of the beer and the brewing process. There are four basic classes. Blonde, being the light beer (if you consider 5% alcohol light!) , then Dubbel, Tripel and Quadrupel. So Dubbel is a "mid" strength abbey style beer typically tipping the scales at around 7% alcohol.



The actual beer then. As you can see from the picture, La Trappe Dubbel exhibits a deep reddish brown colour that just screams dark malt flavours. On pouring a lively head (insert sexual innuendo here) froths to the top before quickly dissipating to leave a light dusting of foam. For such a dark beer the aroma is subtle. Like German pop star Kim Petras's sexuality.



Kim Petras - I'd hit this...and then be scarred for life



Unlike the aroma, the taste of La Trappe Dubbel is about as subtle as a gynaecologist wearing a gas mask. La Trappe Dubbel is an assault of dark burnt caramel barley malt with the hops, spice and fruit staying just on the edge of vision but never truly being seen. The pure simple taste of this beer on your palate is the definition of caramel malt. If nothing else you should taste it just to appreciate what we mean when we rabbit on about "caramel malt". This is just so good. It almost makes monastic life seem worth the bad hair cut.

So that's about it then. Get closer to God next weekend and grab a La Trappe Dubbel. Your very soul may just depend on it.